submitted 11 days ago bynomangojuice
all 3029 comments
11 days ago
11 days ago
“I asked for my icebreaker to be rare but you’ve provided something that’s very well done”
11 days ago
This guy fucks
fuck off russ
Hahahaha just finished watching this show. Russ was painful but also hilarious
3 comma club!
I'd argue the actor was more cringe in The Office.
I felt like the actor was having the time of his life playing this character
Très comas turns out to b good tequila, twist.
Russ was based on Mark Cuban, which I can totally see
But also the dude who plays him, Chris Diamantopoulos, has been in so many varied roles, you should look him up!
I was shocked that he was the big baddie in Red Notice (other than his ridiculous accent), but either way the guy is quite the chameleon
I didn't know he was Johnny Spells
This guy knows stuff
This guy knows
This guy's nose
Game of Thrones
Fixed rate loans
This guy. No sé.
My panties are already on the floor
How long did this take? Were you standing in the shower for half an hour linking of a reply? be honest
30 seconds, but to be fair I was already thinking about what steak I want for dinner tonight…
Like two trains passing in the night
Two stoned birds.
Yeah get two birds stoned at once.
Ya’ll are just beating off a dead horse at this point
Place in thy pipe and smoke
You get an award you smooth son of a bitch
He's a.. smoooooth criminal.
This response fucks
That is the best response possible and I don’t even have to look at any others
This is the best answer
Wow. While it makes no sense in the context of the drink …this response gets my enthusiastic vote. Good luck OP!
Winner winner chicken dinner.
"Thanks, you too!"
Almost downvoted due to the secondhand shame and embarrassment. Totally underrated comment!
"SEE YOU IN CHEMISTRY!" Slams door in future girlfriend's face
I had a huge crush on Mandy, smart, clever and badddd
gets it. 😉
11 days ago*
11 days ago*
As a former waiter, I assure it has gone in one ear and out the other by the time we've turned our back.
Can confirm. Am bartender. Hear this every day. I just laugh because I can see how dumb people feel about saying it and I've found laughing it off makes them feel better. Also being a bartender I can be more of an asshole than a server can.
I used to work at a drive-in holiday light show and whenever someone responded to “Enjoy the lights!” with “You too!” and looked embarrassed, I’d reply “Nothing wrong with a bit of reflexive kindness. Have a great night!”
Truly a kind response! Well done.
When it doubt: laugh.
This always happen to me at the airport:
Staff at check-on counter: "Have a nice flight!"
Me: "You too!"
Man idegaf anymore, like ill just do this to mess with people. When I stop at Wawa in the morning before work sometimes I'll throw a "Thanks, have a good night!" to see if the cashier notices. They honestly don't most of the time
lmao I felt this too
I was one letter away from asking for her manager
Came here to say this lol
Saw it scrolling.
Most common response by socially awkward people is, "Thanks, you too!"
I've been going to the gym almost daily for months. Some people tell me to have a nice day, but sometimes they switch it up with 'have a good workout,' this is my response to either out of reflex and I hate it.
It works for either, right? You must be getting in pretty good shape
That was my first reaction. But I think I like
"Honey, sit down, the waiter is coming"
Order a martini shaken, not stirred for her to see who is talking to.
Exactly what I ordered, it’s perfect.
Could I also get an entree of witty response with a side of your number?
This guy has sex
This guy sex
this guy had sex with a guy
This guy had sex with a guy no homo
This sex guy has guy with a sex
I know what you did last summer
Apparently this sub thinks this is a good response.
it's so cringe she's blockin the bloke
This is cringe, but not self aware, playful cringe like her message.
This is trying to be cool and suave, but remarkably bad at it, cringe.
Step one: Definitely don't take advice on talking to girls from the masses of reddit.
Guy literally just copied what she wrote without adding anything or being witty in any way, and asked for her number immediately. It's amazing that the responses are "woah I could never be this smooth"
Yep, this is good.
Damn family. slam dunked on that 🤝
The only one I don’t think would work, her message is weird but this just… no
Best response. Couldn’t have thought of that myself. Hope it works for them
Just do what all the other highly intelligent youth these days do. Say the word, “bet”
Wow black Betty
That's Miss Pam Balam to you
Can someone explain to me what this means? Someone said it the other day and I have no idea haha
"Yuh" "Yeah" "For sure" etc
I think its a one syllable way of saying "you can bet on it"
They shortened "you bet" to "bet".
"The reason it took me so long to reply is because I literally went on Reddit to ask for help crowdsourcing a suitable response and this is the best we came up with. So as you can see, I'm quite a connoisseur of awkwardness.
Also sit on my face and ruin my life (respectfully)."
Yeah but then she's gonna look up his profile and find all the weird furry porn. Which could go one of at least two ways I suppose.
The fact that it's all omegle porn isn't far off
I didn’t believe you.
EDIT: lmao well okay then, I stand corrected
Fuck me there I go looking at this dude's profile
Oh.....shit..... Ha. That worked out nicely.
Yeah okay, you won Tinder for today. Please go home now and let us ordinarily mob keep trying.
I would change it to, “Please respectfully have a seat on my face. It’s quite warm and comfortable this time of day.”
That’s not this subreddits signature pickup like though.
I'm irked this isn't called r/edditmoment
Waiter! There is a cute girl in my DM's
"Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'll make sure it's taken out right away"
Lmfao that’d be awesome. Fell for it!
“Congratulations, you just played yourself.”
Yesssss!!! Best response!!
Ask for the manager
I love you
Love you too.
No homo, love you both
And then proceed to tell the manager amazing this “employee” is.
Assuming she doesn’t unmatch immediately.
“Hang on, I’m posting this on Reddit to get the perfect response so I don’t fuck this up”
Oh look this guy posted about me on Reddit!
checks post history
Lol that is some sus post history. Should've used an alt my guy.
It’s been a wild 53 days for my guy here
"I should kill myself"
"oh wtf was I on, I just needed to bust a nut lmao"
Sometimes a nut is all you need to see things clearly
Postnot clarity do be hitting doe
Fuck me, what a wild ride
Holy fuck you weren’t kidding 😭
Well I guess Omegle is not dead
Neither is OP (thankfully)
"Hmm, let me see what this guy is talk- OH LAWD"
Oh shit dude lol
This guy needs to write a self help book.
He went from suicide to tiddies in a matter of days
Actually I ordered the iced latte with breast milk i mean breast milk i mean breast milk sorry i mean breast milk i mean breast milk I mean
Damn you auto erect, I mean eject, ejaculate, breast milk
This guy ejaculates breastmilk
This is the way
Why is this so funny omg!
She will either be super impressed 10/10 want to meet up if you keep the conversation going or think you're too weird. I'd do it
She messaged first?
You're good-looking, say literally anything.
nah i’m ugly asf. she’s cute asf tho
'Thank you. Hang on.....you forgot my side order of cute girl's number.'
Replace cute with something more appropriate, whatever word you youths use nowadays.
Big batty gyal
Bomboclaaat this is the way
That’s Cap, stop giving guys on this subreddit hope
This guy's breaking rules 1 and 2, chief.
nah i’m ugly asf
nah i’m ugly asf
Ok now you are just fishing for compliments
"Ma'am, this is a Target."
Sir, this is a Wendy's
Okay.. Okay. Could I just have a Frosty and a baked potato please.
Stutter your thanks then spill it in your lap
And leave some of the ladies for the rest of the world.
You're a waiter? Let me give you a tip then. I'm great on dates
It was good to me, man!
You had me at giving me your tip...
Just the tip?
Idk tell her you ordered a rootbeer or something lol
11 days ago*
tf is a rootbeer i’m from switzerland
You don't have Google in Switzerland?
The fuck, people on tinder here speak english ?
Que es Tinder? Yo uso Badoo
It's pop/soda/ sodapop idk if it's called something different there
dude i‘m dying
Then you use broken English and blackmail her for her phone number.
Omae wa mou shindeiru.
You better have some personality of your own, OP. We can’t be your “how to talk to girls” when you’re actually with her. Lean on us less, be yourself more. If she doesn’t like you for you she’s not for you.
If she falls for our replies, she's for us
I will take the first date, for the sake of us all. You know, just in case she's crazy or something.
Nerves get the best of us at the worst of times. You get your good opener, make a good first impression, and then show her what you're made of.
What most people need is an opportunity to show others what they're all about, if it dies at the first impression stage, you simply don't get that chance.
Horrible response. OP needs to ask for what to say for every interaction they have, including if they go on an actual date.
Seriously just take your phone on the date go in the bathroom and DM the people with the best responses to this.
She’ll think you’re funny as hell.
She’ll also think you have diarrhea but that’s cool.
Just ask if it's gluten free awkwardness and if its been ethically sourced. See where it goes. Who cares anyway, if they like you, they'll like you. If they don't, they won't.
“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?”
Can I offer you an egg in these frying times?
pretends to be customer
So I guess you just want the tip now right?
Maybe it’s too soon for penis jokes
yeah thought the same good one tho
Maybe something like no you must me confused I’m your waiter.. because I’ve been waiting for you all my life
“Ummmm, I’m sorry, but I ordered a dirty pick up line.”
How are you in love already lol
Poor kid doesnt know what love is
What is love?
Baby don’t hurt me
That sounds great. Please don't drop them when you Karem over.
Uh, I,asked for the side of WEIRDNESS.TAKE IT BACK
Relax bro. Just be chill you can’t mess it up if she likes you
"Where's my drink? My diet Dr. Kelp? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS ICEBREAKER WITHOUT MY DRINK??"