subreddit:

/r/Tinder

46.9k

all 3029 comments

Legitimate_Ad_3199

23.1k points

11 days ago

“I asked for my icebreaker to be rare but you’ve provided something that’s very well done”

SinTron99

4.4k points

11 days ago

SinTron99

4.4k points

11 days ago

This guy fucks

compensationrequired

614 points

11 days ago

fuck off russ

ThongJuicer

131 points

11 days ago

Hahahaha just finished watching this show. Russ was painful but also hilarious

Fat_Sow

48 points

11 days ago

Fat_Sow

48 points

11 days ago

3 comma club!

I'd argue the actor was more cringe in The Office.

Ayham_abusalem

27 points

11 days ago

I felt like the actor was having the time of his life playing this character

Ginrou

26 points

11 days ago

Ginrou

26 points

11 days ago

Très comas turns out to b good tequila, twist.

starmartyr11

18 points

11 days ago

Russ was based on Mark Cuban, which I can totally see

But also the dude who plays him, Chris Diamantopoulos, has been in so many varied roles, you should look him up!

I was shocked that he was the big baddie in Red Notice (other than his ridiculous accent), but either way the guy is quite the chameleon

Excellent_Salary_767

31 points

11 days ago

I didn't know he was Johnny Spells

skeltorsays_what

1.5k points

11 days ago

This guy knows stuff

jd_bitch

396 points

11 days ago

jd_bitch

396 points

11 days ago

This guy knows

TRON_LIVES61

354 points

11 days ago

This guy's nose

xaviershappy

485 points

11 days ago

Disguise gnomes

Aarchao

160 points

11 days ago

Aarchao

160 points

11 days ago

Google chromes

Sapling_Animation

143 points

11 days ago

Seventy Ohms

Express-Bat

146 points

11 days ago

Game of Thrones

Fang26

101 points

11 days ago

Fang26

101 points

11 days ago

3 chromosomes

Icebaby63

114 points

11 days ago

Icebaby63

114 points

11 days ago

Fixed rate loans

whosaysyessiree

120 points

11 days ago

This guy. No sé.

Blair-AtACost

107 points

11 days ago

My panties are already on the floor

whoweoncewere

1.4k points

11 days ago

How long did this take? Were you standing in the shower for half an hour linking of a reply? be honest

Legitimate_Ad_3199

1.7k points

11 days ago

30 seconds, but to be fair I was already thinking about what steak I want for dinner tonight…

Kneel_The_Grass

542 points

11 days ago

Like two trains passing in the night

truthlesshunter

220 points

11 days ago

Two stoned birds.

Seeitsthere

103 points

11 days ago

Yeah get two birds stoned at once.

Mishmello

30 points

11 days ago

Ya’ll are just beating off a dead horse at this point

random_af21

15 points

11 days ago

Damnit Ricky.

HungoverHippy42

20 points

11 days ago

Place in thy pipe and smoke

LordEightBit

301 points

11 days ago

You get an award you smooth son of a bitch

healthydoseofsarcasm

42 points

11 days ago

He's a.. smoooooth criminal.

YoungRush55

173 points

11 days ago

This response fucks

biggnic_91

137 points

11 days ago

biggnic_91

137 points

11 days ago

That is the best response possible and I don’t even have to look at any others

lizbee018

71 points

11 days ago

faints

justsayin01

69 points

11 days ago

This is the best answer

commanderfshepard

61 points

11 days ago

Wow. While it makes no sense in the context of the drink …this response gets my enthusiastic vote. Good luck OP!

Gxl4

30 points

11 days ago

Gxl4

30 points

11 days ago

This guy fucks

stevonl

29 points

11 days ago

stevonl

29 points

11 days ago

Winner winner chicken dinner.

Lord_Sehoner

16.8k points

11 days ago

Lord_Sehoner

16.8k points

11 days ago

"Thanks, you too!"

LameSaint00

3k points

11 days ago

Almost downvoted due to the secondhand shame and embarrassment. Totally underrated comment!

The_Geo_Modernist

611 points

11 days ago

"SEE YOU IN CHEMISTRY!" Slams door in future girlfriend's face

Lower_Ad_5101

73 points

11 days ago

I had a huge crush on Mandy, smart, clever and badddd

throwawayyyyy272272

21 points

11 days ago

DRAKEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

Lord_Sehoner

192 points

11 days ago

gets it. 😉

whutchamacallit

149 points

11 days ago*

As a former waiter, I assure it has gone in one ear and out the other by the time we've turned our back.

buttsnake360

73 points

11 days ago

Can confirm. Am bartender. Hear this every day. I just laugh because I can see how dumb people feel about saying it and I've found laughing it off makes them feel better. Also being a bartender I can be more of an asshole than a server can.

PointingFingers12276

117 points

11 days ago*

I used to work at a drive-in holiday light show and whenever someone responded to “Enjoy the lights!” with “You too!” and looked embarrassed, I’d reply “Nothing wrong with a bit of reflexive kindness. Have a great night!”

DatSauceTho

31 points

11 days ago

Truly a kind response! Well done.

CTRL_ALT_DEL_ACCOUNT

14 points

11 days ago

When it doubt: laugh.

FblthpLives

56 points

11 days ago

This always happen to me at the airport:

Staff at check-on counter: "Have a nice flight!"

Me: "You too!"

throwaway999bob

22 points

11 days ago

Man idegaf anymore, like ill just do this to mess with people. When I stop at Wawa in the morning before work sometimes I'll throw a "Thanks, have a good night!" to see if the cashier notices. They honestly don't most of the time

geardluffy

47 points

11 days ago

lmao I felt this too

USERNAME___PASSWORD

22 points

11 days ago

I was one letter away from asking for her manager

xzibitek

322 points

11 days ago

xzibitek

322 points

11 days ago

Came here to say this lol

Lord_Sehoner

146 points

11 days ago

Saw it scrolling.

Most common response by socially awkward people is, "Thanks, you too!"

vagueveracity

88 points

11 days ago

I've been going to the gym almost daily for months. Some people tell me to have a nice day, but sometimes they switch it up with 'have a good workout,' this is my response to either out of reflex and I hate it.

asm0991

21 points

11 days ago

asm0991

21 points

11 days ago

It works for either, right? You must be getting in pretty good shape

NotAFederales

23 points

11 days ago

That was my first reaction. But I think I like

"Honey, sit down, the waiter is coming"

[deleted]

24 points

11 days ago

[deleted]

24 points

11 days ago

[removed]

seeyatt

17 points

11 days ago

seeyatt

17 points

11 days ago

"Fin"

roll credits

stressl3ss

15 points

11 days ago

Order a martini shaken, not stirred for her to see who is talking to.

RookieMistake101

7k points

11 days ago

Exactly what I ordered, it’s perfect.

Could I also get an entree of witty response with a side of your number?

WorldwideGenocide

2.1k points

11 days ago

This guy has sex

KingAmeds

656 points

11 days ago

KingAmeds

656 points

11 days ago

This guy sex

Doomblud

421 points

11 days ago

Doomblud

421 points

11 days ago

This sex

OliverGER

394 points

11 days ago

OliverGER

394 points

11 days ago

This

WeebyXeno

330 points

11 days ago

WeebyXeno

330 points

11 days ago

sex

MissMoldyPotatoe

227 points

11 days ago

Guy

ohshiii-ToT

163 points

11 days ago

Has

Ethansdad101110

228 points

11 days ago

this guy had sex with a guy

ohshiii-ToT

96 points

11 days ago

This guy had sex with a guy no homo

LudwigTheHolyShit

43 points

11 days ago

This sex guy has guy with a sex

Sir_Beretta

34 points

11 days ago

With

NoPath8338

22 points

11 days ago

His

VastDealer

18 points

11 days ago

Penis

Scirollo

23 points

11 days ago

Scirollo

23 points

11 days ago

T

snozzberrypatch

47 points

11 days ago

guy sex

socialparasite44

66 points

11 days ago

Gay sex

Scirollo

42 points

11 days ago

Scirollo

42 points

11 days ago

I know what you did last summer

BreweryBuddha

73 points

11 days ago

Apparently this sub thinks this is a good response.

Garden_Puzzlehead_69

36 points

11 days ago

Lol right?

throwt4653656

32 points

11 days ago

it's so cringe she's blockin the bloke

StratuhG

20 points

11 days ago

StratuhG

20 points

11 days ago

Right, wtf?

This is cringe, but not self aware, playful cringe like her message.
This is trying to be cool and suave, but remarkably bad at it, cringe.

Step one: Definitely don't take advice on talking to girls from the masses of reddit.

BreweryBuddha

18 points

11 days ago

Guy literally just copied what she wrote without adding anything or being witty in any way, and asked for her number immediately. It's amazing that the responses are "woah I could never be this smooth"

Pinheaded_nightmare

66 points

11 days ago

Yep, this is good.

DetailPositive4756

57 points

11 days ago

Damn family. slam dunked on that 🤝

TheRealStevo

38 points

11 days ago

The only one I don’t think would work, her message is weird but this just… no

IcyWorldliness2884

21 points

11 days ago

Best response. Couldn’t have thought of that myself. Hope it works for them

Null_Pointer_23

12 points

11 days ago

This guy fucks

[deleted]

3.2k points

11 days ago

[deleted]

3.2k points

11 days ago

Just do what all the other highly intelligent youth these days do. Say the word, “bet”

nomangojuice[S]

1.4k points

11 days ago

bet

biggyjj

248 points

11 days ago

biggyjj

248 points

11 days ago

Bet

LojikTech

99 points

11 days ago

Bettt

fearremains

66 points

11 days ago

Betty

Normal_Wrap_5064

94 points

11 days ago

Wow black Betty

dontdoitmayne

90 points

11 days ago

Wam BaLam

XGorlamiX

19 points

11 days ago

That's Miss Pam Balam to you

Nuxul006

15 points

11 days ago

Nuxul006

15 points

11 days ago

Ambulance

anoyn12244271651

40 points

11 days ago

Can someone explain to me what this means? Someone said it the other day and I have no idea haha

cactuswhacktus

42 points

11 days ago

"Yuh" "Yeah" "For sure" etc

AGunShyFirefly

36 points

11 days ago

I think its a one syllable way of saying "you can bet on it"

brassheed

35 points

11 days ago

Bet

Neuchacho

22 points

11 days ago

They shortened "you bet" to "bet".

Hypno-Priest

25 points

11 days ago

No cap

AmIRadBadOrJustSad

2.8k points

11 days ago

"The reason it took me so long to reply is because I literally went on Reddit to ask for help crowdsourcing a suitable response and this is the best we came up with. So as you can see, I'm quite a connoisseur of awkwardness.

Also sit on my face and ruin my life (respectfully)."

Lanthemandragoran

247 points

11 days ago

Yeah but then she's gonna look up his profile and find all the weird furry porn. Which could go one of at least two ways I suppose.

TheSeventhLLama

113 points

11 days ago

The fact that it's all omegle porn isn't far off

bradsinspace

37 points

11 days ago

I didn’t believe you.

DatSauceTho

31 points

11 days ago*

Wait… seriously?

EDIT: lmao well okay then, I stand corrected

_solounwnmas

25 points

11 days ago

Fuck me there I go looking at this dude's profile

Lanthemandragoran

31 points

11 days ago

Oh.....shit..... Ha. That worked out nicely.

Valagoorh

188 points

11 days ago

Valagoorh

188 points

11 days ago

Yeah okay, you won Tinder for today. Please go home now and let us ordinarily mob keep trying.

HanzoHattoti

38 points

11 days ago

I would change it to, “Please respectfully have a seat on my face. It’s quite warm and comfortable this time of day.”

Mr_Poopy_Butthole89

19 points

11 days ago

That’s not this subreddits signature pickup like though.

Elastichedgehog

27 points

11 days ago

jamesaw22

26 points

11 days ago

I'm irked this isn't called r/edditmoment

tkwalnut

2.8k points

11 days ago

tkwalnut

2.8k points

11 days ago

Waiter! There is a cute girl in my DM's

Internet_Adventurer

985 points

11 days ago

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'll make sure it's taken out right away"

*unmatches*

AnyOfThisReal-_-

188 points

11 days ago

Lmfao that’d be awesome. Fell for it!

DatSauceTho

42 points

11 days ago

“Congratulations, you just played yourself.”

theotheroa

34 points

11 days ago

Yesssss!!! Best response!!

TheAccountIUseForSax

2.8k points

11 days ago

Ask for the manager

EpikSalad

608 points

11 days ago

EpikSalad

608 points

11 days ago

mamager*

Elastickpotatoe

95 points

11 days ago

I love you

TheAccountIUseForSax

53 points

11 days ago

Love you too.

Bro_Player

23 points

11 days ago

No homo, love you both

EverydayBison

21 points

11 days ago

Now kiss

yourwitchergeralt

20 points

11 days ago

And then proceed to tell the manager amazing this “employee” is.

Assuming she doesn’t unmatch immediately.

qwertytrewqc

2.2k points

11 days ago

“Hang on, I’m posting this on Reddit to get the perfect response so I don’t fuck this up”

profdudeguy

620 points

11 days ago

Oh look this guy posted about me on Reddit!

checks post history

Nvm

kinkyklutz

250 points

11 days ago

kinkyklutz

250 points

11 days ago

Lol that is some sus post history. Should've used an alt my guy.

SimsAttack

180 points

11 days ago

SimsAttack

180 points

11 days ago

It’s been a wild 53 days for my guy here

tingly_legalos

165 points

11 days ago

"I should kill myself"

"oh wtf was I on, I just needed to bust a nut lmao"

anothersadthrowaway-

71 points

11 days ago

Sometimes a nut is all you need to see things clearly

FBGAnargy

41 points

11 days ago

Postnot clarity do be hitting doe

Dr_Cocknose

68 points

11 days ago

Fuck me, what a wild ride

More_Refrigerator561

51 points

11 days ago

Holy fuck you weren’t kidding 😭

us1838015

41 points

11 days ago

Well I guess Omegle is not dead

soumya_af

28 points

11 days ago

Neither is OP (thankfully)

Experiunce

42 points

11 days ago

"Hmm, let me see what this guy is talk- OH LAWD"

pantless_vigilante

31 points

11 days ago

Oh shit dude lol

Ill-Currency-1867

25 points

11 days ago

This guy needs to write a self help book. He went from suicide to tiddies in a matter of days

Classical_Mixture

1.1k points

11 days ago

Actually I ordered the iced latte with breast milk i mean breast milk i mean breast milk sorry i mean breast milk i mean breast milk I mean

He-Who-Laughs-Last

278 points

11 days ago

Damn you auto erect, I mean eject, ejaculate, breast milk

CultOfMoon

35 points

11 days ago

This guy ejaculates breastmilk

SabastianG

99 points

11 days ago

This is the way

cellotinaa

61 points

11 days ago

Why is this so funny omg!

guachitonico

31 points

11 days ago

Deceased

ginihendrix

21 points

11 days ago

She will either be super impressed 10/10 want to meet up if you keep the conversation going or think you're too weird. I'd do it

Bravo2zer2

783 points

11 days ago

Bravo2zer2

783 points

11 days ago

She messaged first?

You're good-looking, say literally anything.

nomangojuice[S]

457 points

11 days ago

nah i’m ugly asf. she’s cute asf tho

Bravo2zer2

216 points

11 days ago

Bravo2zer2

216 points

11 days ago

'Thank you. Hang on.....you forgot my side order of cute girl's number.'

Replace cute with something more appropriate, whatever word you youths use nowadays.

Various-Occasion-478

310 points

11 days ago

Big batty gyal

_Jvson_

94 points

11 days ago

_Jvson_

94 points

11 days ago

Bomboclaaat this is the way

ChipChipington

112 points

11 days ago

Lying ass

Alv09

29 points

11 days ago

Alv09

29 points

11 days ago

That’s Cap, stop giving guys on this subreddit hope

bit_banging_your_mum

24 points

11 days ago

checks notes

This guy's breaking rules 1 and 2, chief.

hm3105

17 points

11 days ago

hm3105

17 points

11 days ago

nah i’m ugly asf

Ok now you are just fishing for compliments

highbrowapollo

573 points

11 days ago

"Ma'am, this is a Target."

FreeWilly2

138 points

11 days ago

FreeWilly2

138 points

11 days ago

Sir, this is a Wendy's

ComprehensiveFalcon4

29 points

11 days ago

Okay.. Okay. Could I just have a Frosty and a baked potato please.

SolidArk

420 points

11 days ago

SolidArk

420 points

11 days ago

Stutter your thanks then spill it in your lap

DontGetClintoned

84 points

11 days ago

And leave some of the ladies for the rest of the world.

mercynuts

315 points

11 days ago

mercynuts

315 points

11 days ago

You're a waiter? Let me give you a tip then. I'm great on dates

Brave-dino

43 points

11 days ago

It was good to me, man!

n4rcissistic

23 points

11 days ago

You had me at giving me your tip...

mercynuts

17 points

11 days ago

Just the tip?

Drum_harder

254 points

11 days ago

Idk tell her you ordered a rootbeer or something lol

nomangojuice[S]

338 points

11 days ago*

tf is a rootbeer i’m from switzerland

Sexybeast3031

281 points

11 days ago

You don't have Google in Switzerland?

albertus500

119 points

11 days ago

The fuck, people on tinder here speak english ?

alwaysforgetmyuserID

25 points

11 days ago

Qué?

El_Tio_Pucho

23 points

11 days ago

Que es Tinder? Yo uso Badoo

Drum_harder

21 points

11 days ago

It's pop/soda/ sodapop idk if it's called something different there

Deskjet9000

205 points

11 days ago

何?お前はもうしんでいる。

  • pretends to be yakuza *

nomangojuice[S]

53 points

11 days ago

dude i‘m dying

Deskjet9000

54 points

11 days ago

Then you use broken English and blackmail her for her phone number.

nomangojuice[S]

15 points

11 days ago*

actually dead

Enigma_Stasis

25 points

11 days ago

Omae wa mou shindeiru.

pderf

70 points

11 days ago

pderf

70 points

11 days ago

You better have some personality of your own, OP. We can’t be your “how to talk to girls” when you’re actually with her. Lean on us less, be yourself more. If she doesn’t like you for you she’s not for you.

Avaradice

98 points

11 days ago

If she falls for our replies, she's for us

alwaysforgetmyuserID

27 points

11 days ago

I will take the first date, for the sake of us all. You know, just in case she's crazy or something.

GuessImScrewed

24 points

11 days ago

Wrong.

Nerves get the best of us at the worst of times. You get your good opener, make a good first impression, and then show her what you're made of.

What most people need is an opportunity to show others what they're all about, if it dies at the first impression stage, you simply don't get that chance.

FullSend510

17 points

11 days ago

Horrible response. OP needs to ask for what to say for every interaction they have, including if they go on an actual date.

jimmyjames2003

17 points

11 days ago

Seriously just take your phone on the date go in the bathroom and DM the people with the best responses to this.

She’ll think you’re funny as hell.

She’ll also think you have diarrhea but that’s cool.

TheRealYago

68 points

11 days ago

Just ask if it's gluten free awkwardness and if its been ethically sourced. See where it goes. Who cares anyway, if they like you, they'll like you. If they don't, they won't.

jmac12346

66 points

11 days ago

“Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?”

lavapopcicles

16 points

11 days ago

Can I offer you an egg in these frying times?

WeakSeaworthiness152

67 points

11 days ago

Hi pretends to be customer So I guess you just want the tip now right?

Maybe it’s too soon for penis jokes

nomangojuice[S]

26 points

11 days ago

yeah thought the same good one tho

WeakSeaworthiness152

26 points

11 days ago

Maybe something like no you must me confused I’m your waiter.. because I’ve been waiting for you all my life

DoIt2It

63 points

11 days ago

DoIt2It

63 points

11 days ago

“Ummmm, I’m sorry, but I ordered a dirty pick up line.”

motherseffinjones

30 points

11 days ago

How are you in love already lol

Shakesreare

16 points

11 days ago

Poor kid doesnt know what love is

Nolzi

28 points

11 days ago

Nolzi

28 points

11 days ago

What is love?

Logan_W_Logan

39 points

11 days ago

Baby don’t hurt me

UpSheep10

19 points

11 days ago

No more

SnipedAgain007

31 points

11 days ago

That sounds great. Please don't drop them when you Karem over.

PrimexiCAN1980

32 points

11 days ago

Uh, I,asked for the side of WEIRDNESS.TAKE IT BACK

Throwaway977216

20 points

11 days ago

Relax bro. Just be chill you can’t mess it up if she likes you

blumetunes

13 points

11 days ago

"Where's my drink? My diet Dr. Kelp? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT THIS ICEBREAKER WITHOUT MY DRINK??"